Morning, Day 1

I’m going to try to start on the positive side here, since I’m actually freaking out a little bit right now and starting on negatives will not help with that. Yesterday there was someone at the airport with a sign with my name on it, and he was there on time! He didn’t speak any English, but he said, “NBJK Office? Okay?” so I expected a 2 and a half hour drive to the NBJK office in Hazaribag, where I would be staying. Instead, we arrived at the NBJK office about 20 minutes later.

Okay fuck it. I’m starting with negatives right now. I’ll get back to my story in a moment. Right now under my bed there is a cockroach the size of my hand (exaggeration, but only very slightly) that I successfully whacked enough to flip it on its back and stun it. It is not dead, so I periodically hear its creepy legs tapping the floor trying to flip itself back over, and I keep checking to make sure it has not succeeded. FUCK COCKROACHES.

What’s more, I decided it would be a good idea to clean a bit before I try to make breakfast. I was impressed that I hadn’t seen any cockroaches in the refrigerator in my room. Until I looked down. The part of the fridge that meets the door at the bottom has a hole in it, and unless my eyes deceived me, that area is highly populated. Which means I’ll never be safe until that gets taken care of. I just called John, the landlord, but he clearly did not understand anything I was saying and he is not coming to help take care of the problem. I have to go shopping a bunch today anyways, so I’ll be sure to get some insecticide and things will eventually be fine.

I know cockroaches are harmless, so I’m not “in danger,” but I am very much afraid of them. I am pretty good at killing them, but I really really hate having to do it. Right now, my issue is that I have no way of taking care of the fridge roaches, and my breakfast food is in the fridge. I’m now afraid of opening the refrigerator, so breakfast is complicated.

I’m getting picked up at 10 or 10:30 this morning to take care of some administrative things, get to know the office, go shopping, etc. I need to make a list of things I need. I also need to chill out a bit and eat something. I’m supposed to cook dinner for myself tonight, and I’m nervous about it since I am currently afraid of having food in my flat and I don’t know what kinds of food I’ll be able to find here.

Okay, now for some positives. Like I was saying, I ended up at the NBJK office in Ranchi (the city I flew into), rather than in Hazaribag. They said we would leave in a few hours for Hazaribag, and I got to lay down for a while in the meantime.

We left for Hazaribag at 6:30 or 7 pm. It was about a 2 hour drive, and I slept a little bit. We went to Girija’s (I think that’s his name? He’s the president of NBJK) house and they fed me dinner. Then they brought me to my flat.

I’ve been negative so far, but to be honest, it is better than I had let myself hope for. There is a Western-style toilet, and it even flushes! There is a kitchen with kind of neat tiles, a sink, a stove, and a dish rack. The bedroom/living room has two cots, a refrigerator (which I now hate), a desk, and two chairs. The bathroom has the wonderful toilet, a little sink, and a shower. No hot water, but my cool shower this morning felt AMAZING.

I was going to post pictures of the flat here, but I can't find them, so this is me alone in first class, instead.

It’s hot here, but I don’t think it’s unbearable. Right now my concerns are 1. There aren’t screens in the windows (no surprise there), so if I want air, I have to accept the possibility of bugs. 2. There aren’t curtains on the windows, so if I open the windows (which are frosted, so you can’t see in or out, but they let in good light) anyone can see in. There are rods for curtains, so I might try to find some.

There is a ceiling fan in the bedroom (hooray!), and the beds have mosquito nets. In general, I am very, very happy with the flat. I will be much happier, though, after I get some insecticide and can spray the perimeter of the rooms, the windows, the fridge, etc.

Here’s where I get honest about emotions. I hate insects, and it makes me very on edge to know how big they can be here and that I currently have pretty much no defense against them. Even before that, though, I was feeling pretty scared. Not of anything in particular, but I’ve never been this alone before in my life. Or, I’ve never been alone in this way. I’m glad I just have to make it until Helen gets here and then I will basically never be alone again. Last night with my fatigue and disorientation, I was regretting my decision to come here. Why would I leave the awesome life I had going to spend two and a half months struggling? Why not just let myself stay in my comfort zone for once? What would it take to convince myself to go home early and not to try to stick this out?

I know things won’t seem so dire after I adjust a bit more, and that any growing experience has its ups and downs. I feel much better today, even with the cockroach issues, than I did yesterday. A few other random thoughts:

The cots in my flat are really cots. They are wooden bed frames with pads on them that I think are less than 1” thick. Not very comfortable, but beds in the U.S. will feel amazing when I get back. The pillows are reasonably nice.

There are an absurd number of light switches in every room I’ve been in so far. There are about 9 in the bedroom, and only two lights, a ceiling fan, and two outlets. It’s a little confusing.

So far, it seems like outlets here are not consistent. Fortunately I brought a kit of many different kinds of outlet converters, and as long as I can plug my computer in, I can charge everything else off of it.

I woke up with the sun this morning. In Michigan that would mean I woke up at 6:30 or so. Here, apparently, it means I woke up at 4:30. After not sleeping very well all night. I will be very tired later. For now, though, I’m wide awake.

From what I’ve seen so far, I’m the only white person for many, many miles. I’m anxious to get to know some people, make some friends, get some appropriate clothing, and stop sticking out so much.

And buy some insecticide.