-1

I still know very little about where I'm going to be and what I'm going to do. I am trying not to get too stressed about it. I have a few more final exams to grade for my TA class today (UPDATE: Grading is done!), and then I will be able to spend the rest of my time here preparing to leave.

It's scary to think of going because I know so little. Rather than thinking that I'm going to India, in my head I'm just going away. Since I haven't experienced India, it's kind of a blank to me. I'm excited to find out what it's like, but preparing to leave feels like preparing to jump into a void. Which is cool, I guess, but it's also pretty scary.

As I'm writing this I'm remembering what it was like to prepare to leave for Senegal. That was a much more dramatic kind of departure: I knew even less about Senegal than I do about India, I was going to be gone for more than twice as long, I was breaking up with my then-boyfriend of a year when I got on the plane, my college gave me tons of information that I didn't feel like I could absorb, and I really didn't know what kinds of amenities I would have in terms of privacy, plumbing, internet, and power. So when I was packing for Senegal, I felt like I was shoving things in a suitcase and mentally preparing for the end of my life (dramatic, I know).

It is comforting to know that when I come back, I will still have my family (albeit a bit far away), my friends, my relationship, a place to live, and all that good stuff. None of that seemed like a sure thing when I was leaving for Senegal (except the family part).

[I was about to type, "So I'm counting my blessings," and then I thought about how silly that phrase seems. If you have blessings worth counting, you probably have too many to count, so that would be an exercise in futility. Why don't we say, "appreciating" or "acknowledging" our blessings?]

So, I'm appreciating my rich, full life and getting ready to add another adventure to the books.

One week to departure.

-2

I leave in two weeks. To be honest, I haven't had time to give it much thought, and I'm kind of grateful for that. I have my last final exam of the semester tonight, and then on Thursday the class I TA for takes their exam. That means I'll have free time Tuesday and Wednesday, and then I'll be busy Thursday-Monday, and then I'll just have a week to prepare for my departure.

This last weekend I had a bunch of friends in town, the circus club (of which I was president last year) had their spring show, I went with Jeff to his newest niece's baptism and hung out with the family, and I enjoyed lots of good food. My stress level is much, much lower now than it has been for weeks. I'm working on scheduling lunches and coffee dates with friends to make sure I get to see everyone here before I leave, and I've been thinking a lot about what life will look like when I come back. My friends who are seniors at K College will have graduated and moved away by then, and most of my college friends will be gone for the summer. Somehow in the last month and a half of summer, I'll need to schedule time to visit California and go to Yosemite, and hopefully go camping with Jeff and our Kzoo friends somewhere in Michigan. It will be an exciting time.

I'm trying to get myself to stop thinking of my India time as filler, which I hadn't realized I was doing until recently. In my head, it's been this blank period of time that I just have to get through so I can move on with the rest of my life. But getting field experience, integrating into a new culture, potentially learning to cook new and exciting things, meeting potentially fabulous people--it is all way more exciting than I've been giving it credit for. I've been too busy worrying about getting lonely, thinking about what movies and TV shows and knitting projects I should take with me, to think about the positive things. So I guess that's my project for the next two weeks.

Wow. Two weeks.

-3 and Half Marathon

Wow...I leave three weeks from today. I still won't have a whole lot of time to think about that until about Thursday, when my papers will be submitted. On Saturday, I finally ran my first half marathon! It was really fun and challenging...for the first 10 miles. And then I was burned out and wanted nothing to do with it. Fortunately, I still finished, and I got a reasonable, if not impressive, time. I finished in 2 hrs, 22 mins. That means I averaged 10:50ish per mile, which is a little faster than I had been training. I ran the first 10 miles at the pace my friend Sarah was setting, which was considerably faster than I was used to, which contributed to my exhaustion after mile 10. I walked a LOT the last 3.1 miles, and I was kicking myself for it and feeling bad about myself the whole time. Fortunately, it's hard to be too critical of yourself when several hundred people are cheering you on as you cross the finish line. So that was nice.

I have a lot of work to do today through Wednesday, so I'm going to do all I can to stay focused and positive, get going early in the mornings, and keep myself from going crazy or convincing myself that everything I write sucks. Tomorrow night Jeff and I will (hopefully!) go to the Wine Loft, where they have a special every Tuesday for half off all bottles of wine. Wednesday I have class and Jeff is coaching a soccer game, but it is Jeff's birthday, so we'll go out on Thursday to celebrate with friends. And by then, I will be in a better place and will be able to relax and enjoy myself more easily.

Okay, off to work I go! Wish me luck.

Excitement?!

Yesterday I was so stressed out that I felt sick to my stomach even thinking about everything I have to do, which made me unable to do much, which made me more stressed out. It sucked. Fortunately, this morning I woke up not only feeling better, but with a new mindset!

Here's what it looks like:

Wow! I'm doing so well in my grad program that they decided to give me a $500 scholarship, and no one else I know got one, so they must really like me! I know how to be a good student, and I know that I will get everything done on time, so I should enjoy the journey! In two days, I get to run a half marathon, knowing that I have trained for it and will enjoy it and will finish! And afterwards, I have a party to go to with all my school friends! My papers will be all done by mid-week next week, and then I will get to actually start thinking about how awesome my India experience will be! And isn't it cool that going to Senegal in 2010-11 made me laid back enough about foreign travel that the idea of living in India is the least stressful thing on my mind?

So, with that new mindset, I have gotten a solid start on one of my two term papers, graded quizzes from my TA class, outlined my second term paper, done some more research, and SMILED! Here's to living a rich, full life.

-4

Today marks four weeks from my departure date. My half marathon is this Saturday, so I need to find a place to stay near Grand Rapids on Friday night and do a couple short runs this week. I'm really nervous. On Wednesday night, I am giving a presentation in my Comparative Development Strategies class. That shouldn't take me long to prepare, but I also have to get going on term papers. I've been doing fairly well at researching and typing up quotes that I might want to use, but I haven't gotten a solid outline or started writing either of my papers.

My awful statistics class is officially over now, which is good. The last assignment for it was a supplemental course evaluation, in which we were supposed to offer our opinions and constructive criticism about various aspects of the course. I emailed the department chair because this assignment makes up 4% of our grade, and we are graded on the quality of our responses. Given that I found the course to be a useless waste of time, I was worried that I would drag my grade down by being honest. We'll see what happens with that.

Here's my checklist from last week. I was able to cross a few more items off. The biggest things I need to worry about are 1. writing and submitting term papers, and 2. getting final exams for my TA class graded in time.

• Public Admin term paper presentation
• Comparative Development term paper presentation
• submit Public Admin term paper
• submit Comparative Development term paper
• Public Admin final exam
• Stats final exam
• grade Russian Politics final exam
• buy plane ticket to India
• get visa for India
• run half marathon

The past few weeks, I've been struggling with insomnia and migraines. My goal this week is to get a lot of restful sleep, de-stress through running and breathing exercises, and continue making progress and crossing things off my list. 

Frazzled

I'm working on my visa application today, which is almost done. I have office hours right now for the class I TA, and then that class from 2-3:30, then I want to run 6-8 miles, then game night with friends. I'm still constantly making lists in my head, on paper, and on my computer. I'm not necessarily overwhelmed by everything I have to do (yet), but I can't stop thinking about everything that's coming up. I think I will feel much better after the half marathon is over, since that is one thing that I'm really nervous about and can't do much for in the meantime. I'll run 12 miles Saturday morning, and then do a few short runs next week, and then Saturday the 13th, it will be over.

Then I can worry about term papers, doing something fun for Jeff's birthday, packing, grading final exams, and actually leaving for India, where I'll be living alone for the first 3.5 weeks. Yikes.

I've been thinking, too, about how time here absolutely flies, and I've been taking it for granted that it will there, too. But when I think back on my time in Senegal, I remember how living in a slower-paced society (as someone who likes to be busy and stressed), time actually moved quite slowly. Even though I loved being there, I'm pretty sure that was the slowest six months I can remember. I'm nervous about living alone in a new place for almost a month in a place where time will likely feel much slower.

My plan for now is to take a lot of movies and TV shows that I haven't seen, bring yarn for knitting projects, and have family and friends at the ready for Skype dates. And, y'know, make friends there quickly and learn to cook cool things and go shopping.

-5

I'm guessing I won't be good at keeping this up, but I want to try posting every week at least up to and during my trip. Right now I'm at -5, meaning I have five weeks until departure, when I'll start counting up to ten.

I'm planning to buy my plane ticket today. I found a good one online, but it's through a different website than Satish, who I've been in touch with at the NGO, recommended to me. I'm waiting for the people at the site he recommended to give me a call and see if they can get me a better rate on the same ticket.

I also need to get into motion getting my visa today. It shouldn't take long, but I keep forgetting to grab my passport, which is necessary for the process.

Tonight I have a presentation for one of my term papers, and yesterday I submitted my final exam for my terrible statistics class (terrible because we didn't actually learn any statistics). That means the big items on my to-do list are slowly getting whittled down:

• Public Admin term paper presentation
• Comparative Development term paper presentation
• submit Public Admin term paper
• submit Comparative Development term paper
• Public Admin final exam
• Stats final exam
• grade Russian Politics final exam
• buy plane ticket to India
• get visa for India
• run half marathon

Okay, very slowly. Ugh. It will be better soon.

UPDATE: Plane tickets are booked! Presentation for tonight is ready! Here's the wiki article for the city where I'll be staying: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hazaribagh